When I was a little girl, I was TINY! I was always the smallest girl in the class and spent time being sick and in the hospital with various respiratory issues. When I hit second grade I finally grew! I was as tall as my classmates, and considered an average size child. Time passed on and I hit puberty and then I was classified as "a little big for my age" but still pretty average. I hit my freshman year in high school and I realized that I was not as thin as most of my friends, but I still felt pretty secure about myself. I was in drill team and was VERY active. I was 5' 3" and weighed 150 pounds. I would go to the doctor and many times they would tell me I was over weight, but I tried very hard to not listen to them, I felt very comfortable in my skin even if I couldn't shop at some of the "little girl" stores that my friends did. After my freshman year we moved to Texas and I started at a new school and went through a bought of depression. I did gain weight but I was still not considered obese. I continued through high school by staying busy with FFA, color guard, Latin, Students Against Drunk Driving, and MANY more activities. I was not considered an idol person. I graduated high school and realized that I was wearing size 16 clothes and couldn't quite figure out how I got there. After high school I started college and working. I then got married. My wedding dress was a size 16. A year later we welcomed our first baby boy into the world. After Alex was born I suffered a run of postpartum depression. I didn't know who I was or what I was supposed to do. I was completely lost and just trying to keep my head above water long enough so that people wouldn't know I was struggling. I hate appearing weak. A few months after Alex was born I was wearing a size 18. A year after Alex was born I was diagnosed with a gall bladder problem and had to have it removed. When it was removed it was SOLID! My doctor actually had to make the incision bigger to remove it. I had never had a single gall bladder attack until about 2 weeks before my surgery. My doctor was puzzled, but told me I should have my blood levels checked for thyroid and other stuff. I followed up with a doctor and was told that I had hypothyroidism and needed to start taking medication. I started my medication and my doctor told me that I would probably lose some weight because thyroid hormone can help boost metabolism. Well, I didn't I gained weight. The more they increased my dosage, the more I gained. When I got pregnant with my second son in 2008 I weighed about 240 pounds and was wearing a 2X. I went through my pregnancy just fine and after I gave birth to Eric and went for my two weeks postpartum visit I weighed 270 pounds. I then quickly developed postpartum depression and this time I got help from my doctor and was medicated. I was still being monitored for my thyroid. Six weeks after Eric was born, my thyroid bottomed out! My doctor was very concerened and put me on a VERY high dosage of medication to try and shock my system into working. To make a long story short, this was a bad move. I lost most of my hair, I was sick, in pain, exhausted, and an emotional disaster. Then I decided that if my medication was going to make me feel this crummy I would just stop taking it. Bad move! A few months after I quit all of my medication my kidneys were giving out, my liver looked as if I had been an alcoholic for 40 years (I have had one sip of alcohol in my life) and I weighed 300 pounds! (Man, I hate typing those numbers) I finally went to the doctor for some back pain and all of this was revealed and my doctor got to spend a good 30 minutes lecturing me on how I could have permanently damaged myself by quitting my medication. After promising that I would NEVER do that again, she started me up and again and we started at the very bottom and worked our way up. She also diagnosed me with Hashimoto's Disease Well, by now I feel HUGE and I have no energy to play with my boys. Last summer I decided to try the HCG diet. It was great! The food restrictions were a little rough and James had to give me my shots, but ti worked! I lost 30 pounds in six weeks! I fully planned on continuing this diet until I lost every bit of weight that I needed to. Then after some prayer, miscarriages (Not- related) and some other issues, I decided I shouldn't do the HCG diet again. Now, it is 2011 and I finally decided that it was time for a change. I suffered two very difficult miscarriages and decided that I would no longer be anxiously engaged in having another baby because we had been trying for over two years. Now, it is in the Lord's hands whether or not we have more children. I will do nothing that will cause me not to get pregnant, but I am done charting and taking my temperature and stressing it every month. I have committed myself to getting healthy. My goal is to lose 100 pounds by June 1, 2012! This would put my weight at about 170 pounds. This is definitely not the smallest I have ever been, but it is a start. If I can accomplish my goal in a year, then I get to go on a cruise. I don't know where I will go, and I really don't care. I cannot book my cruise until I lose it ALL. I am well on my way! I have lost 14.5 pounds in three weeks! I am excited to get back in to my wedding dress and even clothes smaller than that. I know at times it will be rough, but there are no diets here, only healthy eating and exercise. I am in to change my lifestyle, this is not a temporary thing. I love any and all encouragement and kind words, sometimes I need that positive reinforcement from others! Today I spent some time with my best friend. She is going on a mission soon and I realized that after she leaves, the next time she will see me, I will be thinner than when I met her! I know she is excited for me and I know she will enjoy getting my updates each week as I write to her. I can do this and I will do this, no matter what!
